


That's No Inhuman, That's a Labradoodle!

by themidsummersoldier



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 17:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4027840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themidsummersoldier/pseuds/themidsummersoldier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>\\\ “If he’s a Shield agent, why is he covered in fur?” /// “Oh my god, Coulson, you can’t just ask people why they’re covered in fur.” \\\</p>
<p>in which skye attempts to convince coulson that a dog is an inhuman shield agent.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's No Inhuman, That's a Labradoodle!

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on tumblr 5-28-15. based on this prompt
> 
> Anonymous asked: Skye brings her first Inhuman agent into SHIELD. Phil had his doubts about the agent, however. No matter how hard Skye tries to explain that Inhumans come in all shapes and sizes, Phil has strong suspicions that the agent is not an Inhuman but a labradoodle.

_**That’s No Inhuman, That’s A Labradoodle!** _

“I’m still not sure about this.”

“Come on, Coulson. I’m telling you, he’s been through all the training, he’s passed every exam with flying colors. He’s not going to be a problem.”

Sitting at his office desk, Phil Coulson shifted through the papers in his hand, his mouth set in a grim line. Skye stood in front of him with her hands clasped behind her back, practically bouncing on her toes.

“It’s just, _Inhumans_ on the _base,_ ” Coulson reiterated, cautiously rubbing his temples. He was still adjusting to the new bioengineered hand attached to his left arm, and although it was _nearly_ flawless, occasionally it did seem to have a mind of its own. “We’ve done so much to keep them a secret, and now we’re bringing them into the heart of Shield.”

“I’ve kind of always been in the heart of Shield,” Skye reminded him, “And Lincoln’s been here for three months without any issues.”

“He burnt down the rec room.”

“That was entirely an accident.”

Coulson gave Skye a doubtful look.

“Ok, maybe it wasn’t _entirely_ an accident,” she admitted, “Maybe it was more of a dare. But that’s not the point. I’m serious, Sir, this new agent is going to be an amazing addition to the team. And if it makes you feel better, I’ll keep him with me at _all_ times, that way he can’t get into any trouble.”

A pause.

“Fine.”

Skye nearly fist pumped before realizing that perhaps that wasn’t the proper way to react to a new agent transferring to the base. Instead she simply called out a few rushed “thank you’s” as she dashed out of Coulson’s office.

“Hey, Skye, wait. You don’t mean he’ll be with you _all_ the time, right?” Coulson called out to her retreating form, “Cause, you know, he’s a boy right? And I don’t think- Skye? _Skye_?”

He doubted she could hear him over the whoops of joy echoing off the hallway.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

“That’s a dog.”

“That’s an _Inhuman_.”

Coulson doubtfully looked down at the creature in front of him.

“That’s a labradoodle.”

“Um, he’s a Shield agent,” Skye corrected him, pointing to the flashy Shield ID card attached the “Shield agent”s collar, “Show a little respect, _Director_.”

“If he’s a Shield agent, why is he covered in fur?”

“Oh my _god_ , Coulson, you can’t just _ask_ people why they’re covered in fur.”

Coulson started to speak, stopped, started again, and then pressed a clenched fist against his forehead. Skye gave him her best “I’m an innocent angel” look as she wrapped her arms around the Inhuman’s neck and rested her cheek against the top of his fluffy head. A crowd of agents was beginning to grow around the spectacle in the garage, and hushed whispers filled the air. The “Inhuman” in Skye’s arms gazed around the room with calm curiosity.

“Ok, you know what? Fine,” Coulson finally said, bending forward so he could speak directly to the dog, “And what is this Inhuman’s name?”

“Uh. Bill?” Skye said, her voice rising slightly at the end.

“ _Uh,_ I was asking Bill.” Phil said, mocking Skye’s tone.

Skye smirked and shot back, “He doesn’t speak English.” 

“Oh?” Coulson feigned surprise, “So what language _does_ Bill speak?”

“Inhumanese,” came Skye’s confident reply, “Listen. Speak, Bill.”

The sound that came from Bill sounded suspiciously like a dog’s bark.

“Impressive.” Coulson said, his eyes wide with what was most likely fake awe, “But I feel like this could lead to a few communication issues. I assume you’ve taken this into account…?”

“Fitz and Simmons are working on a thingy that can translate his-”

“And what _exactly_ is Bill’s _gift_?” Phil cut Skye’s explanation short, “You know, he goes through the mist, gets covered in fur, and now he can do… what?”

Skye glanced at Bill as if for moral support. He simply cocked his head to one side and licked his nose.

“Um, ok, so he can smell like, a thousand times better than a normal person.” Skye began, “And he can hear, what, like, four? five? _seven_? times better?”

“Valuable skills for a Shield agent.” Coulson conceded, “But, don’t you think that sounds a little bit like what a _dog_ can do?”

“O- oh ok, _wow_ , Coulson, I’d thought you’d be a _little_ more understanding,” Skye rose to her feet and crossed her arms, the end of Bill’s hot pink leash wrapped around her wrist, “You think this is easy for Bill? He gave up his human form to become a beautiful angelic Inhuman, and here you are comparing him to a _dog_. Frankly, I’m disappointed in you. You _know_ that Inhumans come in all shapes and sizes- hell, Raina became a frickin _porcupine-_ and I assumed you’d be more ok with that. Obviously you’re not, so _maybe_ it’s time to _reevaluate_ your directoring abilities.”

The utterly confused and conflicted look on Coulson’s face was almost worth the trouble Skye was undoubtedly about to be in. A good thirty seconds passed in tense silence before Coulson spoke again.

“Alright then,” he said calmly, shrugging one shoulder, “Why don’t you help Bill get settled into his new bunk, and if there’s anything he needs, just let me know, ok?”

Skye raised an eyebrow, “Wait, are you- are you _serious_?”

“I’ll be looking forward to his progress reports, and I will be holding you personally accountable for his success.” Coulson said seriously, “And make sure Fitzsimmons keep me updated with that translation device.”

Turning, he began to walk back towards his office, before calling over his shoulder, “Welcome to Shield, Bill.”

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Seconds, minutes, _hours_? later, Skye stood alone in the garage, her face still contorted in a look of disbelief. She’d gotten away with it. She’d actually _done it._

“ _Psst_.”

A whisper broke Skye out of her daze. Fitz poked his head around the corner, checking to make sure no one else was around, before walking towards Skye. Sinking to his knees beside the dog, who was now curled in a neat little circle at Skye’s feet, Fitz hissed, “ _Bill_?”

Skye paused, confused, before whispering back, “ _What_?”

“What kind of name is _Bill_? I thought we agreed to call him Happy.” Fitz ran his hands through Bill’s fluffy fur.

“Oh, like there would _actually_ be in an Inhuman named _Happy_?” Skye rolled her eyes and sat down on the other side of Bill, letting him give her knuckles a good sniff, “You should really be more thankful that I pulled this off.”

Fitz pressed his lips together, “Thank you, Skye, for sneaking in a dog.”

“You’re welcome,” Skye said, a bit too sweetly.

Fitz looked concerned, “There’s a catch, isn’t there?”

“I kind of sort of told Coulson that you and Simmons are working on a device that can translate dog barks into English.”

“But- but Skye, that’s not, I don’t think that’s _possible_.”

“Then, I guess you better get to work.”

“…Fine.”

_end._


End file.
